Für Rolf Pippig. Meinen geliebten Opa.

Anders fühlt sie sich an. Die Welt. Heute.

Kleiner. 

Dabei warst Du es doch, 

der uns gelehrt hat, wie groß sie ist.

Dass Grenzen keine Barrieren sind.

Und Barrieren keine Hürden.

Dass man Hürden nehmen muss,

um sich treu zu bleiben.

Stolz. Stark. Ein Genießer.

Ein Reisender.

All das hast Du uns vorgelebt.

Und wir schwimmen weiter.

In Deinem Namen.

In Deinem Windschatten.

Stolz. Und stark. Wir genießen das Leben.

Wir bereisen die Welt.

Morgen. Ohne Dich, aber mit Dir im Gepäck.

Und wenn wir Dich zu sehr vermissen,

machen wir die Augen zu und erinnern uns.

Du sitzt am Strand. In Portugal.

Neben Dir, Dich an der Hand, Deine Hanni.

Unsere Mutti, Oma, Omi.

Und du guckst sie an und sagst:

Ich würde alles wieder genauso tun.

Alles. Wieder. Genau so.

Anders fühlt sie sich an. Die Welt. Heute. 

Ein bisschen kleiner.

Aber unsere Herzen, die sind größer.

Denn darin nehmen wir Dich mit.

Immer. Und immer wieder. 

"Es wird vielleicht auch noch die Todesstunde. Uns neuen Räumen jung entgegen senden. Des Lebens Ruf an uns wird niemals enden... Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde!" ~ Herrmann Hesse (Stufen)

The Calls of a Siren

Once I caught a glimpse of the Northern Light

It was fragile and soft

so I held it tight

From the mountainous horizon

of a city in red

I could hear it calling like a siren

Ever since, I have been carrying it in my pocket

where it keeps glowing

like the fire trail of a rocket

It reminds me of the Moroccan colours

so loud and sonorous

that they make me shudder

It evokes Marrakech’s sounds

so colourful and vibrant

that they shake the grounds

Back in the real world

I can still feel its vigour in my heart

where it is lying unfurled

And every now and then

I take it out and touch it

with kid gloves again and again

I balance it on the tips of my fingers

where it feels as soft 

as the memory it triggers

And just like the water under my feet

it drives me to islands

where life grows on the street

And just like the wind under my wings

it takes me to places

where love springs

"Goodness can be found sometimes in the middle of hell." ~ Charles Bukowski, Women

Arriving in my own Mirror

Some lessons in life come naturally. They grow organically in the back of your mind until they finally settle within your system to blend into your wall of wisdom. Others, however, hit you like a hammer and shake the wall's foundations. Becoming a parent is probably one of the most “traumatic” and yet therapeutic experiences. It comes with all sorts of concrete and abstract obligations, sentiments and resolutions. And while everyone around you seems to know everything better than you and overwhelms you with a colourful and incoherent puzzle of advice, you still need to figure out for yourself who you are as a mum. As a dad. As someone who suddenly becomes the most important person in the world. And this very circumstance constitutes the one thing that surprised me the most. On the spur of a moment, my existence gained a significance that didn't go well with the beliefs of an amateur existentialist. Now, almost two years later, this novel perception has turned into an utterly fulfilling affair and I find myself babbling about the meaning of life. I have realised that being self-centred – a habit that is not exactly my second nature - is the key ingredient to parenting. Why? Because there is someone whose happiness and well-being depends on you – completely. So your happiness, health, sanity and value backbone have to be secured, protected and defended as only a happy, healthy, sane and morally firm person can provide these little people with the framework they deserve and need to grow. Translated into other words this means that you need to stock up on self-respect and self-reflection in order to become a model that is fit to take care and fit to be copied. Because that's what children do. They copy. They learn by imitating. Sometimes, when I observe my child, I feel like somebody is holding up a mirror. My child's gestures, intonation and movements bear an uncanny resemblance to mine. And it is a very natural reaction to try to be the best version of yourself when facing your reflection. And this, I find quite amusing. I expected myself to get out of focus and sink into oblivion during parenthood but to my utter astonishment I learned that I need to take care of myself, too, if I want to take care of someone else the best possible way. I learned to put myself first – with a very selfless intention.

"The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who had loved you

all your life (...)"

~ Derek Walcott (Love after Love)